Oct 26, 2011 0 Share

You May Be an Aspie If . . .


Post-it notes with "Who Are You" written on them
iStockphoto

You're already in college, or even beyond, and still never had a date. 

You've graduated college, or been years out of high school, and never had a significant other. 

You have no friends. Or, all your friends are people who nod at you in the hallways or on the street. Except when you're “loaning” them money, helping them move, writing their term papers for them, etc. 

You keep losing jobs, paid and unpaid. And they give you reasons that are very vague, difficult to understand or even outright false. 

Filling out a job application is a game: “Hmmm . . . do I have to list this job if it's unrelated to the job I'm applying for and it only lasted seven weeks? If the boss told me his grandmother died of arthritis and that's why he's closing up shop, can I just say that's what the boss told me? And leave out the fact that when I told my little brother about it he took five minutes to stop laughing enough to explain the concept of  “white lie” to me?” 

You want to buy stock in Selsun Blue, because of all the girls you call for dates who have to wash their hair every night. 

When shopping for clothes, you restrict yourself to the shirts without tags because they're the painless ones. 

Especially with personal conversations, you'd much rather exchange notes or use email or IM than talk on the phone, and you'd rather talk on the phone than meet in person. 

Small group conversations feel to you like driving while texting with one hand, eating a burger with the other and also changing DVDs feels like to many people. 

You're trying to figure out how much of your Atari 2600 expertise you need to exhibit in a single conversation before the other person will become so impressed they immediately invite you to their place for dinner. 

You can't wear certain fabrics without serious pain. 

You're always on eggshells, because you never know when someone will blow up and yell at you, telling you for the first time all the things you did over the last few months or years that pissed them off—and you had no idea about. 

Plus, your stomach turns at the mere thought of hearing afterward “I didn't want to hurt your feelings!” or “I was trying to be polite!” 

Other very common phrases you hear are “It's no big deal,” “Let it go,” and “Drop it!” 

You swear your arms get all the exercise they need raising your hand in class. 

If you're male, females are friendly to you, talk to you, tell you there's no problems . . . and the next thing you know you hear from their boyfriend or their brother or even the Dean's office or the cops about your supposedly harassing them. 

If you're female, males are friendly to you, talk to you, tell you there's no problems . . .and the next thing you know they try to push or even force you to do something you really don't want to do.